FUCK!!!
The whole day is not belong to me today... feel so stress inside out... dead line is pushing me into grave and no mood to do anything... Today i have made a wrong choice... that is made everything right for others where i am going in the wrong path. When the start of my performance listen to my minus 1 everything is so wrong, still wishing that i could cancel the performance. i know i can't performance with that minus1 and i feel so helpless in the stage. My mind is not clear when i start to sing... the timing is all so wrong... i can feel it but there is nothing i can do. though my friends will support me but instate of helping i see people doing cross pose that make my pressure increase like hell... all in my mind is the "looking down on me" things... and the 4months things keep appear in my heads... why i feel this way??? i love singing... why can't i sing it my way... like basketball... why i keep doing what people like and not what i like...can't concentrate in the stage made my last part like hell i can't heard my voice other then the singing made by minus1... after the performance i feel angry... i lose temper to the mirror on the wall... looking at the mirror i wonder i work so much for what... i am still alone... i breakdown on the backstage... ya breakdown... with tears... i never feel so worst in my life before... i have no face to look at those who have listen to my lousy singing... or maybe i can't even sing... where are all my confident?? you are gone when i need you... no one notice me after the performance... that still joke around where they used to be... try to avoid people who i dun wanna to see. i will just stop singing for 4months as i promise and stop performing for the whole poly life...
This is when ya heart follow your mind....
fell in love with music @ 11:00 AM